NEWS

The Celebratory First Article

This is North Shore Jazz's inaugural post in the news section. Out of my great internal excitement, I, Antonio Bettini, Master and Commander of North Shore Jazz, have decided to make the background of the "news" page this stock image of bananas on a blue background. I feel that both the yellow banana and the soft blue encompass the idea and form of our jazz. Furthermore let me congratulate you on actually having read this far into an otherwise specious and silly article. That being said, God bless you, sweet visitor to the page, I sincerely hope that you find whatever it was that you were looking for on our website; however, I strongly doubt that what you are trying to find is here, because [this] is all that's here.

Instructions: To properly utilize the "News" page, it is paramount to your understanding that you are informed that the newer articles are at the bottom of the page. 

This is intentional, as it allows you to both savor & appreciate the rich and storied history of North Shore Jazz.

Please enjoy your stay in the "News" page.

-Antonio Bettini & North Shore Jazz

Opinion: How Good is North Shore Jazz?

"Well North Shore Jazz quite clearly improved my night, as I took the time to write this positive opinion comment of the band. Not only was their music as sumptuous as the meal upon which I dined whilst listening to them, but they were all also devilishly good looking. I say, I did sit there in the Mediterranean Courtyard Ballroom at Opa enjoying what could be quite seriously one of the finest evenings that I have enjoyed in my life, ever. With good cheer and merrymaking in my heart did I approach them half sauced and eager to partake in the "jazz" lifestyle (if you will), and I assure you I tapped my toes once or twice. Looking around, I observed  every patron in the restaurant mesmerized by the hypnotic fantasy woven 'round the eves draping them with glistening jazz music dripping into their ears. In short, the experience was better than dining in the Palace Versailles ." - Unnamed Patron

Review: The North Shore Jazz Experience

I did not know what to expect when first sitting down to listen to North Shore Jazz. They looked, to my initial gaze, bedraggled, hot, and crammed into a very small space; sardines, if you will. The patrons walked past their overturned, too small fedora hat sitting meekly atop a battered stool, $7.38 sitting in the bottom, crying out, "Look, look you passers by, cant you see that I am clearly $7.38 representing the fiscal compensation dispensed by your hand to these boys? Increase me increase me, for then the band will be spared from splitting $7.38 four or five ways, and in turn might be looked upon more favorably by your bounteous and embracing community." 

I felt a pang of sadness for them, at that moment - hot, poor, grovelling for change at the coattails of restaurant patrons; but in retrospect, I now feel only shame. This shame is not shame for them, no. This shame is for myself, at having doubted whom I can no less consider to be the greatest living musical performers in Chattanooga than I can the unyielding truth and power that flows through this great city.

It was at exactly the first second of the first note that I knew the raw excellence with which North Shore Jazz performed, and was surely going to continue performing, as I had only heard not even one full second of a note.

I sit here and write truthfully that the experience was so good, I sincerely borderline blacked out, and can only remember the rest of the evening as a combined feeling of ecstasy, excitement, zazz, and copious quantities of alcohol.

If anyone should be hired to perform in the highest institutions of this great city for its great citizens, it should be North Shore Jazz, for the resonance of their tone, and the sincerity of their hearts, shine more purely than the unfiltered brilliance of Gig City.

- Watson DeAngelo,

   Freelance Writer Extraordinaire  

Interview: The Mystery Behind the Name

I was recently granted an interview with the leader of Chattanooga's hottest new jazz band (of all things), and naturally there was one thing on my mind going into the interview process, his name. "Antonio White-and-Black-Keys Bettini" or as he is more commonly known among friends and others close to him,"White-and-Black-Keys Antonio." 

 

To me, the name certainly did not flow, and I was perplexed at how one so thoroughly dedicated to the pursuit of propagating excellent jazz could possibly have accrued such an a-sonorous name as "White-and-Black-Keys Antonio." It is in fact eight syllables which seems very unnecessarily long as a nick name. What I learned, however, shocked me.

"Well you see," "White-and-Black-Keys Antonio" said to me over his sixth cup of coffee, "Some people out there are playing just the white keys, right? Other people out there are playing just the black keys. So I say to myself, Antonio, why not play the black keys and the white keys or the white keys and the black keys all at once. I immediately set about testing my new secret technique and at that exact moment it was clear to me that the answer was to become "Antonio 'White-and-Black-Keys' Bettini", a.k.a. 'White-and-Black-Keys Antonio."

"So wait, you're telling me you play all the keys on the piano?"

"Yes, I play all of them, the white keys AND the black keys and the black keys AND the white keys."

I left the interview feeling a new sense of self. It was if the veil was raised and I was able to truly see the sunrise- marvel at the birds chip chirping away in their homes, tending to their sweet chicks.

Yes, the man behind the mystery was no myth, but merely an intrepid explorer of sound.

As North Shore Jazz continues to expand across the Chattanooga area, I wish them nothing but success and excess riches so that they may continue in their quest to give the world quality jazz music again.

-Ringo McPhearson

Freelance Writer and Seeker of Truths

North Shore Jazz Wins Best Chattanooga Jazz Band 2020

Looking back on 2020, I find myself simply overwhelmed by what can be called nothing short of a meteoric rise to Chattanooga super stardom for North Shore Jazz. Bar band after bar band has captured the hearts of the noble, stalwart Chattanoogans, but none have ever impacted the lives of the denizens so profoundly. I'll never forget when our majestic Mayor, Andy Berke, before 20,000 Chattanoogans presented Antonio "white-and-black-keys" Bettini the silver and gold keys to the Riverbend Boat-Stage. 

When Antonio stood on the stage where CeeLo Green was booed for being far too intoxicated to perform in a family friendly fashion, keys in hand, I remember seeing a single tear roll from his eye. I watched the tear as it fell to the ground, and some say if you listened just right, just then, you could hear the gentle voice of CeeLo through the eves of the treetops whisper,

     

        "I guess the change in my pocket
         Wasn't enough, I'm like
         Fuck you
         And forget her too"

 

 Was it a tear of joy? Was it a tear of pain? None know and none probably ever shall. But still, what I saw that day, when North Shore Jazz was presented Best Chattanooga Jazz Band 2020, I said to myself, "Robert, if you ever do anything in your life, tell this bands story. Tell the story of these boys, and this city, Robert. This city, Chattanooga. And these boys. Robert." 

I've been writing blog-journals for thirty years but never before did I really have that talk with myself. Look myself in the eyes, in the mirror, just Robert to Robert. Who are you writing for?

I never knew, I just ran, ran, ran.

Now I know.

I must tell the tale of North Shore Jazz and Chronicle their successes into the year 2021.

Happy new year, 2020,

Robert N. Heathwater

Freelance Blog-Journalist & Father of Stephanie and Norman

A Jazz Poem:

by Antonio

Roses are Red

Blueberries are Blue

Jazz oh sweet Jazz

How do I love you

skkt skkt skkt beep boop

bladada bing

scoopoopity bloop bloop bloop

beeboopbedoop bidlidiledilideboop

sssshhhssshhhhaaa shsahaha

sasasa

Ringity Ringity bing bong

Bleenelleeenel beep

Schwa Schwa Schwa!

Jazz Jazz Jazz

Greenererererer

yeah yeah yeah

I snap my fingers

yeah yeah yeah

*Jazz*

2.3.19

Breaking News:  "Wine & Jazz" Smash Success

In what can be considered no less than the beginning of a hip new Chattanooga craze, "Wine & Jazz" hosted by The Flying Squirrel has proven to be increasingly a stupendous and highly saucy affair. With dazzling music performed by Chattanooga's own North Shore Jazz, "Wine & Jazz" has quickly become the talk of the town. Hosted on the first Tuesday of every month, this bold new sound and wine pairing has captured the imaginations and palates of Chattanoogans young and old, (21+ old, that is ((establishments rules not ours))).

 

Yes, these daring young musicians have reignited the flame of Chattanooga's rich musical history. One listen will surely turn the mind of any naysayer, and it is with confidence that I give these boys my blessing on their quest.

Now is the time, the time is now, and there can be no other words about it. "Wine & Jazz" marks both the beginning of an explosive new era for the city of Chattanooga's musical imaginations,  but also for the booming bar industry for which we produce so many fine beers and spirits for. 

God bless "Wine & Jazz", God bless The Flying Squirrel, and God bless the boys of North Shore Jazz on their quest to zazz up jazz, again.

Jimmy Moriarty:

Jazz Lover, Chattanooga Lover, and Freelance Writer

3.1.2019

North Shore Jazz

in:

Summer of Jazz

"This summer is the summer of Jazz, that's what I'm sayin'," the charismatic and elusive founder of North Shore Jazz said to me while sitting in a dusky bar smoking cigarettes and drinking well whiskey.

 

"There's a whole summer out there, a whole big summer full of hot days and long nights and young guys and gals runnin; around with nothin' but their hearts and a renewed vigor at the possibility of a summer fling; just chasin' their hearts and their dreams grabbin' lightening bugs in jars and makin' lanterns so that they can walk down by the sweet summer creekside- a babbling brook if you will, and they can do all sorts of fun summer activities like a bonfire by the beach on driftwood with one friend who brings a guitar and has a roughly woven blanket which he lays by the bonfire and sits upon while he strums his hummin' beach tunes." 

I was trying to find the meaning in his reverie but between the whiskey, the thick cigarette air, the fact that my wife left me without a trace in the middle of the night, and the cynical reality that I'm just a low pay dick, bustin' victims of the system in a brutal cycle being spun by the hands of the corrupt left me feeling a little skeptical of his dreams of a summer of jazz. 

"Don't you get it you fool," I said to him looking him dead in  the eyes, "This world is tired of summer, tired of jazz. Who are you jazz boy, who are you?"

I thought that he would just up and leave, just like everyone I ever cared about, but he didn't. Through my whiskey haze, mind racing with whirlwind thoughts of despair and my own demise, I caught saw for a moment upon his face a stupidly eager smile.

"That's just it!" I heard him shout at me, "you prove that everyone needs a summer of jazz, and so it shall be. Your heart shall take flight on wings of renewed freshness and the horrors of the modern era will seem but a feather where they now crush as a boulder."

I knew I was blacking out, there's only so much Whiskey in a bottle and I'm a dick, I been around the block once or twice. I knew my head was about to hit the counter, I knew it was another night slumped against the dumpster in the back alley huddled under cardboard for warmth praying a stray cat might wander by to keep me warm. My only source of light a street lamp dimly reminding me that I was in the alley again. But for just a moment, right before my forehead made contact with the bar counter, I saw the summer of jazz. A young boy with a balloon ran gaily towards a young girl and her mother swinging on a tire swing by the old churchyard next to the creek. A pitcher of sweet tea was resting upon a fence post sweating in the summer heat. You could hear the cicadas chip chirping in the willow trees and everything for a moment stood as a halcyon snapshot into a childhood I had never known.

I see it now....

I see the summer of jazz is coming.

Tracey Marchesoni

P.I. & Freelance Writer

4.2.19

Antonio Bettini Set to Release New Fashion Line

Now, I am, have been, will be, and will continue to always be, a fan of Antonio Bettini and the boys over there at North Shore Jazz, but as I was sitting reading the Chattanooga Times Free Press last week, I quite literally spat my coffee across the table in a large PFFFWWWWWTTTTTTT followed by a series of intense choke-coughs when I caught wind of a new fashion line hitting the market created by Bettini. North Shore Jazz is  name synonymous with Triple-Platinum Quality,    and I expect nothing less when I go to hear them play. That I might be able to experience clothing produced by the founder of Chattanooga's most popular jazz band simply set my heart a flutter.

But that was last week, and I'm not here just to twitter over how excited I was, because I'm here to twitter over how excited I am right now, because I, Rebecca C. Welshwater reached out to the boys at North Shore Jazz and asked if I could have an exclusive interview about the upcoming fashion line.

I was granted access.

I was not disappointed.

So now, I, Rebecca C. Welshwater am here to present the details of the upcoming North Shore Jazz Official Clothing Line.

--------- * Playback Recording Clicks * ----------

"IT'S GOING TO BE ROMPERS, ROMPERS AND TRACK SUITS EVERYWHERE. I SEE RED I SEE BLUE I SEE BANANAS. JAZZ JAZZ BADOOOPOOPPOPP SHHHSA SHHA ROMPERS. MEN'S ROMPERS."

"Mr. Bettini - uh, I have a few questi-"

"DON'T WORRY IT'S GOING TO BE THE BIGGEST THING CHATTANOOGA HAS EVER SEEN, MAYOR ANDY BERKE IS GOING TO LOVE IT HE'S GOING TO WEAR ONE. FRONT PAGE CHATTANOOGA TIMES FREE PRESS, "MAYOR ANDY BERKE LOOKS HOT IN A ROMPER, THANK YOU ANTONIO" YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING REBECCA DO YOU SEE IT"

"Uh yes? I've got tracksuits and rompers and red and blue and bananas is that all approved for the official release?"

"SKIPPITY BIPPITY BIP BOP BANA NA NA NA NA PAH PAH TSSSH TSSH TSSH SKEE SKEE SKEE SKEEE SKEE SKEE SKEE SKEE SKEE SKEE POW! BLA DEELEDEEELE DEELEELDEEE RANNANNNANNAA BOOPITY BOOP BOOPITY BOOP BOOPITY BOOP BOOPITY BOOP"

"Uh-"

"ROMPERS MEN'S ROMPERS EVERYWHERE ALL CHATTANOOGA. WWW.CHATTANOOGAMENSROMPERS.COM. ROMPERNOOGA. I'M GOING TO BE THE KING OF FASHION TRIPLE PLATINUM TURBO JAZZ FASHION. BIG ONES AND SMALL ONES AND TRACKSUITS AND ROMPERS FOR KIDS AND ADULTS AND OLD PEOPLE. VELOUR TRACKSUITS VELOUR ROMPERS GOLD. GOLD AND SILVER LIKE CHATTANOOGA. IT'S TIME NOW'S THE TIME FOR NEW FASHION. I WANT BIG FASHION NOT LITTLE FASHION. I'M LIKE YEAHYEAHYEAH GET ME THAT NEW FASHION GET ME THAT NEW SWAG. ROMPERS AND TRACKSUITS, I'M GOING STRAIGHT TO THE NORTH FACE WHERE'S BRANDON? GET ME BRANDON STRAIGHT AWAY. IT'S ROMPERS AND TRACKSUITS UNTIL 2100 THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING, JUST TRACKSUITS AND RO-"

-------* Playback Recording Ends *----------

After a thorough review of my interview, I knew that I could not do justice to the line of products being released, as there are not words in any human language that could accurately describe the elation of my heart at listening to Bettini's description of the coming fashion line. I didn't really know what he meant at the time, but, as with all things North Shore Jazz, part of the allure was that I didn't fully understand what was going to happen, and I don't really think they did either.

Regardless, as a fashion blogger and freelance writer, I got the story and I am sincerely excited to have the opportunity to be presenting it, so revv your engines and keep your eyes peeled, Chattanooga, because this summer North Shore Jazz is going to be dropping the Bossa Nova of fashion this summer.

Rebecca C. Welshwater

Fashion Blogger & Freelance Writer

4.10.19

A June Update:

 W/ Antonio

"A Jazz life is not a life for all men, but a Jazz life is the only life for me" - Antonio Bettini

I wrote that quote just now talking to myself in an interview i was conducting with myself.

 

"The state of Jazz is good out here in June, it's hot. Hot like the air that swirls around me and this beautiful city of Chattanooga. Hot like a hot rod engine cookin' eggs on the top. Hot like a fried banana sandwich. Hot like hot hot Jazz. Hot like a hot hot dog on a hot bun. hot like two flames burning into one."

"I can't even walk around anymore with out these scumbag papparazzos mobbing me trying to get a photo like "Ey North Shore Jazz let me get a picture for Time Magazine" Bah! Get these kids outta here. I don't want your awards or your fancy "Rolling Stones Magazine" cover shoots. I want that Jazz. I need that Jazz in my blood. That good bloopby doopby doop boop boop boop scoopy doop boop ba doopy doopy doop. Skittly Skittly skritch skratch bing bom pling plong ranga danga ding dong skeedly skeedly poop. Rumpa dump dump bing bong ping ping pang squeep squoorp shabba shabba ranks rich rach tickity tak."

"I'll burn down this whole world in search of that Jazz, I'll blow up the sun for this Jazz!" 

"So... anything else you would like to add?"

"Buy my tracksuits, buy my rompers, buy my jazz"

"............Right"

I didn't really glean too too much from myself during my interview, but one thing can be said for certain, I clearly am into Jazz and sounds.

-Antonio Bettini

Jazz Legend & Freelance Writer

Submit 

Your

Feelings:

I feel as though we here at North Shore Jazz have been selfish. Yes, I said it, selfish. 

"Why?" you ask. Well let me explain to you, patron of the "News" page and consumer of jazz. 

You see, here at North Shore Jazz, we have a love of publishing the voices of young freelance writers from all over the Chattanooga area. However, I feel that it is unfair to you, consumer of jazz, that you have no place to voice your thoughts on jazz should you not be a highly accredited freelance writer.

That being said, we here at North Shore Jazz offer you this rare & unique opportunity.

If you have had an experience with the talented & handsome boys of North Shore Jazz and feel compelled to go beyond the call of duty and submit an account of your experience experiencing the jazz of North Shore Jazz, please send an email detailing the experience to

                                 jazzbyantonio@gmail.com

If your experience is truly worthy to be featured on the legendary "News" page, I, Antonio Bettini do solemnly swear to publish it verbatim, thereby giving you, highly-intelligent-and-of-generally-good-taste consumer of jazz a voice here on Chattanooga's #1 Jazz Band's page, because we here at North Shore Jazz are committed to guaranteeing you and sweet Chattanooga absolutely nothing less than the most singularly grand jazz experience in the world for no less than 100 years.

-Antonio Bettini & North Shore Jazz

Opinion: Where do you think North Shore Jazz Should Play?

We here at North Shore Jazz are very keen on playing jazz, that's why we play jazz and not any other form of music that exists or will exist. We also are committed to bringing the sweet city of Chattanooga the best music it has ever heard all the time. With these two concepts in mind then, it is no surprise that our organization is constantly expanding which is why I ask you, attentive reader of all news North Shore Jazz, to take a moment and turn your focus inward while asking yourself,

       "Hmmm, where would I like to see the handsome and interesting boys of North Shore Jazz play? There are so many hot, trendy bars in Chattanooga these days withering in the drought of live music that they all should be jumping at an opportunity to have Chattanooga's #1 Jazz band perform for them. Hmmmm... Where would I like to go to enjoy both my favorite alcoholic beverage and the sweet and spicy jazz of North Shore Jazz?"

QUICKLY

Now take that thought, dear reader, take that location in your mind that you pictured yourself in, enjoying all the finest things life has to offer, jazz tingling through your body. Take that location in your mind and get up and drive or walk or bike or however you choose to commute- take that idea and go to that place and lay your fist on the counter, look the bar tender or tendress in his or her eye and then, with one finger rising to God in the Heavens above, raise your newly emboldened voice and say, 

         "I NEED NORTH SHORE JAZZ TO PLAY IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT. WWW.NORTHSHOREJAZZ.COM THEY ARE THE FUTURE OF CHATTANOOGA'S MUSIC AND IDENTITY THIS IS A JAZZ TOWN AND WE ARE JAZZ PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!~!!"

For any true friend of the band, Antonio will perform on the night of the event, a personalized solo that when listened to will whisper the name of your future love into your ears.

Do you dare to take the risk?

We here at North Shore Jazz Offer only the finest jazz and jazz spells, 100% satisfaction guaranteed. We are Chattanooga's #1 Band after all ;)

-Antonio Bettini & North Shore Jazz

The Art of the J-Battle: An Exclusive Interview

Recently, I found myself sitting in a dusky bar located down some back alley street-lit Chattanooga street lookin' at something like a parking lot and a construction site with a buncha Republic parking goons slapping tickets on good Chattanooga-citizens-just-trying-to-unwind-after-work's cars, when I was suddenly caught off guard by the sound of wailing wind instruments emanating from down a side alley I had yet to see or investigate or think about thus far in the story. 

So I turn my head the other way to look down this other alley and what do I see but a group of slick black turtleneck clad beret wearing gold chain gold toothed black rimmed Gucci glasses dudes with some bongos and what appear to be various wind instruments circled up aggressively berating each other with what are, to my ears as just a regular reporter on the street, various scales and arpeggios at high speed and volume. 

 

-A mans cry echos out and suddenly the circle disperses, quickly. Alone in the center of the Jazz Circle are left but two persons that I can discern. The first, a man of indeterminate age crying in the fetal position on the ground. The second, a man who appears to be none other than Antonio Bettini Master and Commander of legendary Chattanooga band North Shore Jazz.

As clouds of smoke depart, I can see that Antonio is approaching me. It was at this moment that my young journalist's heart was stricken aflame and I knew it was time to get the interview I didn't know I was going to be conducting.

"Yes reporter I see you," Antonio called from afar, raising his hand as if he had been watching too many super hero movies.

"What was all that about just now"

"Ah, you mean the J-Battle you witnessed just now? T'was nothing but at Tuesday."

"What's a J-Battle?" I asked with a true reporters curiosity,

"WHAT IS A J-BATTLE?!" He shrieked with the might of ten jazz bands, "A J-BATTLE IS NOTHING LESS THAN THE MIGHTIEST & DEADLIEST FORM OF COMPETITION ON GODS EARTH, KNAVE."

"J-BATTLE IS SHORT FOR JAZZ BATTLE OF COURSE, HUAHAHAHAHA"

I stood somewhat confused, as a top notch reporter I had initially inferred that J-Battle stood for Jazz Battle as the sounds that I heard coming from the alley were Jazz-like in sound. 

"FOOL" Antonio yelled at me from what many would consider a very close range, "JAZZ BATTLES ARE SIMPLE: TWO MEN OF JAZZ ENTER, ONE MAN LEAVES."

"I see," I said.

"THE MAN YOU SEE IN THE ALLEY BEHIND ME WILL NEVER JAZZ AGAIN. HIS SPIRIT HAS BEEN BROKEN. SUCH ARE THE DANGERS OF THE J-BATTLE. HOWEVER, CHATTANOOGA IS THE J-BATTLING CAPITAL OF THE WORLD AND AS HER #1 JAZZ MUSICIAN I MUST CONTINUE MY PATH OF BLOOD AND GLORY FOREVER, UNTIL I AM BESTED IN THE ARENA BY THE NEXT TRUE HEIR TO THE CHATTANOOGA JAZZ BLOODLINE."

"Ok... well thank you, I hope that all this is legal."

"J-BATTLERS BEWARE, FOR I ANTONIO SHALL J-BATTLE INTO THE NIGHT AND INTO THE DAY AND INTO THE MORROW FOR THERE IS NEIGH JAZZ MUSICIAN WHO CAN BEST ME IN THE J-BATTLE BATTLE RING."

At this point I was walking away and his voice was still surprisingly loud as I got into my car, but what I realized from the transaction is that there is more to Jazz than I realized before. 

Jazz can bring together families and communities, 

                     but it can also cut like a knife.

-Camembert Reynolds,

Freelance writer & Potential Witness to a Crime


 

An Interview on the Art of the J-Battle:

Continued in a More Suitable Environment

Following the somewhat macabre incident at the time of my last interview with Bettini, as we sat in the Panera downtown drinking coffee, I found the ease of his manner to be slightly off-putting considering I had with mine own eyes witnessed he and a group of turtleneck-wearing-bongo-wielding-clout-goggle-drippin' jazz banditos use their jazz to make another grown Man of Jazz cry and curl into a very sad ball on the ground in an alley.

"I do apologize for the fire and brimstone yesterday, I was inflamed by the jazz activating in my blood."

"I see," I said tentatively, "so no that you are, to me, right now, fairly calm and in a good mood-"

"Oh yes quite"

"-right so explain to me in a way that I can actually explain in an expose on the, as you call it, "Art of the J-Battle"

"Yes the J-Battle, or Jazz-Battle as it is formerly called. It is a secret and deadly form of jazz passed down from master to student spanning the hundreds of years that jazz has existed."

"You see," Bettini continued, "to the untrained ear Jazz is nothing less than the sweetest nectar and is paled by the glory of God alone."

"Many men will try to claim the power that Jazz contains for themselves, and it is for that reason that the J-Battle was invented. The Great Masters of Old knew that those who would steal away the Jazz from all of humanity would inflict nothing but pain and embitterment upon a world left devoid of Jazz. Every day for 100 years did The Great Masters of Old battle fiercely and with tiger force!" 

At this point I took a sip of my coffee because Antonio was beginning to tear up and I was unsure of where the conversation was going to go. I pretended to take notes on my notepad as well.

"Every Master of Jazz must impart upon one pupil the way of the J-Battle, that is the code. If a master fails to impart the way, he will be put to death by Bad Jazz. It is the most excruciatingly painful death any human or non-human species can experience. This is the true burden of Jazz, but in continuing the tradition, it can be guaranteed there will be no Bad Jazz performed by any true Villains of Jazz."

I stared on, bewildered.

"So do you have any students then?" I asked unsure of where he fit into the whole thing.

"No, I have wandered renegade ever since Master Tom was killed in the Great Jazz Explosion of 2017. I'm a drifter... a Jazz Drifter. I live only to purge the world of  Bad Jazz and I wield my saxophone with the deadly force of ten screeching falcons!" Bettini almost yelled.

"Well ok then."

"This was a really great interview we need to do this again sometime, here's my business card, on the back it has our website www.northshorejazz.com, it has all our information on it you should really check it out. It also has my contact e-mail, anything you need hit me up."

"Ok, cool man will do."

As I watched Chattanooga's most strange and heroic Man of Jazz swiftly exit the building, I sat and found myself wondering, "Is this really actually a thing?"

I do not know, reader, and I may not ever, for ever since that night I have neither heard nor seen any J-Battles. But sometimes, just sometimes, on the tip of the faintest breeze, I think I just might hear the magic sound of erratic wailing arpeggios and I wonder....

-Camembert Reynolds,

Freelance writer

The Spookiest Halloween

by: Antonio; 

a poem.

OOky 

Spooky

Scary Ghost 
Jazz Ghouls

Creep Creeping 

(around my pumpkin)

Do Not Touch it 

Creepy Screepy

Jazz Ghouls 

I see you.

There's 

Scary Sandies

All In My Candies

(I do not want to 

put my fingers

in to get them

anymore)

I Am Oh So Spooky Spooked

By The Spooky Spooky Spooks

and Jazz Ghouls

Halloween is really, really scary

Just ask my friends Nick, Neil, or Harry

(or Barry or Terry or Larry

or Mary or Carrie or Jerry)

They were all really really spooked this year,

and I am too,

and you should be too

because it is

spooky Halloween.

Boo!

10/8/2019

"a very spooky day...truly inspired me"

-Antonio Bettini